I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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