she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
