If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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