No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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