im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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