it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
