I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
