you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
