Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
