They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
