i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
