You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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