Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
