I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
