is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
