I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
