its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
