According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
