I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
