Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
