I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
