I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You can't just leave with hair like that
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
