I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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