I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
