ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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