the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
