it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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