So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
