A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
