just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
