he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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