you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
