Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
