wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
