you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
