i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
