Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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