I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
