The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
