First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
