Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
