Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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