I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ladies don't puke and tell
and you fell through a lawn chair
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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