I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
