Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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