bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
