he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
