____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My bed smells like the plague
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