I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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