my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
